I’m not OK

This week has not been an easy one. Mentally, physically and spiritually I’ve been in a slump. It started off well, with beginning Year 2 of Druid College at the weekend, which was awesome. That first dedication ritual around a huge and ancient oak tree on a windy hilltop field, blessed with a running hare shooting across our path, was absolutely magical. The discussions were enlightening, and my commitment to the path reaffirmed.

But then, Monday happened. And I haven’t been right since. I realise that I am more of a small scared person than I thought I was, and things that I thought I had forgotten still have the power to hurt me. On top of that, my poor gerbil Loki is poorly again, and old. He’s slowing down and there’s not much I can do about it. Then there’s the news; climate change, fracking, hatred, fear. It’s enough to drive anyone to despair.

I’m here. I’m surviving. I’m putting one foot in front of the other. But that’s the limit of my resources and my energy at the moment.

I will recover, and I will reach some equilibrium again, I know it. Mental illness, stressful life events, these things come in waves and can knock you off your feet, but the waves also recede and return to calmness again. In time.

Until then, I may be a bit quieter here and on my various social media channels. I need to allow myself space away from thinking, writing, and reading (gods, especially away from reading the cesspool of hate that Twitter can become), and time to just breathe, to sit, to be – to find the still point at the centre of it all.

By the powers of land, and sky and sea,
As it was, and is, and shall ever be,
With the ebb, with the flow, blessed be.

[And because of the post’s title, I wasn’t going to leave it without posting this. Yeah, I’m an unrepentant emo.]

4 thoughts on “I’m not OK

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  1. Sometimes the most important thing you can do for the planet is take care of yourself. One thing I have learned is that it is not abdication of duty to leave Twitter. You can still be engaged and make a difference without being plugged into all of that. It might require accepting that the way you can have a difference is on a much smaller scale than you would like, however. We are all small, scared people and you are not alone.

    Be well and blessed be.

    Liked by 1 person

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